[ surprise, now that he's back to normal he's back to being insanely blunt about things. which is to say he pulls back a little then to stare up at him. again, he knows that's insane to say but he figures it's like this. he's not used to the idea of casual, but he's also not going to ask klavier to do anything he doesn't want to do, including not go back to how things were before this vacation. he's also still not entirely sure how he feels and what he wants beyond his initial thoughts that he hasn't shared.
nevertheless he watches him to read his expression while he talks, like he's gauging if he's hoping this is because apollo is drunk or cursed or what-have-you. ]
No. [ no, he's just thought about it a little. ] But this can be whatever you want it to be.
[ klavier's smile eases away. this isn't a curse or some spell the place put on apollo—this is how he is when he's in his feelings, trying to be a realist about how long this may go for and how far. knowing this, it's almost sweet, seeing how desperate and hungry he seems to be. selfish as it may be, klavier finds it difficult to believe he'd act the same way towards anyone else. he keeps the thought to himself.
the hands on apollo's ass blessedly move up to hold his waist instead, but he doesn't let him go. ]
And how is that fair, having only what I want?
[ he lowers his chin a little, still meeting apollo's intense gaze directly. ]
You want me all for yourself, you said, even for just one evening. You would have me for longer if you could?
[ if nothing else, apollo is a realist. when you're someone whose life keeps getting upended out of nowhere, and you keep losing people and things you don't get to keep for yourself, you kind of get in a mode where you don't want to be the first to hint you want an attachment. he figures maybe this really is the only time he can consider the idea of having klavier to himself (brought on by their first kiss a week ago and thought over while they were separated), but it also means...
sure. maybe he likes the guy. it's not like klavier doesn't have qualities apollo would've looked for and been attracted to anyway. smart. honest. attractive. infuriating. willing to do whatever it took to reach the same conclusion. dedicated. thoughtful. these are all parts he's observed over the last several months when he went "ugh" and ignored it because klavier gavin was someone who belonged to the rest of the world and apollo never humored the idea of even thinking klavier might think the same. there's also the chance that what klavier said this morning wasn't... anything more than platonic. maybe he really was just grateful for everything that happened at home, the changes in his life to try and make things right.
regardless, no, he would not act this way toward anyone else. he doesn't move in closer even when klavier's hand is on his waist, but he doesn't try to pull back again either. ]
I didn't think it was a thing I can ask for. [ honesty. he values it, so he figures klavier would, too. and if it's too intense and too sudden and too jarring for whatever picture of apollo klavier has, well, he will simply just never act on the opposing counsel against him ever again. ] But maybe, sure.
Not a thing you ask for, but a thing you make clear from the outset, so you won't be badly hurt.
[ klavier knows this song and dance, if not from his own experience then from media consumption. (he likes to be thorough. how would you write songs about romance without knowing everything you can about it?) there have been people he's met and grown close to that have projected on him, read signs that weren't there, and made a coffin fit for them both. thankfully, klavier's job is sustained on clear communication, and he's not afraid to be honest even while being sensitive.
this is one of those situations where he has to be both. honest. sensitive.
his eyes flicker to the buttons on the elevator, gauging their time. (rising, still rising. are the suites really on the top floor, or did apollo just want to stay in the elevator for as long as possible?) then he looks at apollo. ]
First... You realize it would be difficult, dating an ex-celebrity. Even more so to face him in court again eventually. I don't believe there are laws against it, but... it would generally be frowned upon.
[ his gaze sharpens a little, mouth thinning into a line. okay, well, yes. but damn, did you have to say that? it's true that he'd made it clear recently, going into this conversation already prepared for the worst outcome because it was easier than thinking...
... god. this is stupid, actually. apollo's not good with romance, and he's still trying to figure out if he even likes klavier enough to consider dating him (he knows the answer. he's ignoring it because it's a kind of scary concept at the moment, also he feels insane because he hadn't really considered it until recently.) but he also knows how to read klavier well enough and he knows that they wouldn't be having this conversation if there wasn't some intrigue from the prosecutor to see what apollo's thinking.
their time in the elevator's drawing to a close, and he continues to frown. ]
Who said anything about dating? [ the words are harsh, but the tone is not. ] I told you that this can be whatever you want it to be.
[ ... part of this is also probably because klavier's the one who first mentioned he thought apollo just needed to get laid to loosen up, so clearly... (clearly, he is stubbornly thinking the worst to protect himself while he comes to terms with his own thoughts.) ]
[ yes, he very clearly is. klavier watches as apollo has his war within himself, his thinly-veiled irritation and confusion against clear desire, logical or not. apollo is trying to be realistic and accepting, even if it hurts.
the elevator dings. they've reached their floor. klavier looks at apollo again briefly as the door opens, and then he reaches for his hand. ]
Come. Let's talk elsewhere.
[ klavier obviously thinks this conversation will end in a way that keeps them both in the hotel room overnight. ]
[ the fact that klavier reaches for his hand helps. despite apollo's hesitations about where this is going (what it means, rather, not about following through) , klavier pursuing helps. he takes the offered hand and he shoots him a look that says he almost dares him to mention the way his grip is a little tight.
regardless of the conversation that will unfold, he's pretty determined to stay. he steps out of the elevator and begins to pull ahead, but he stops shortly in the hallway and looks at klavier again. he doesn't move, but he remains close and keeps his hand for himself. this is apollo relinquishing control for the moment. this is apollo putting some trust in klavier and letting him take charge.
so yeah, he follows him into the hotel room and shuts the door behind them, letting klavier dictate what comes first. ]
So... talking. [ he says it to prompt, but it's another form of apollo trying to trust him. he knows he can throw himself into things head first, but he's giving klavier the chance to talk or act first to follow his lead. ]
[ moments ago, a scenario played out in klavier's head where there were hardly words spoken as soon as the door was opened—nothing but pillow talk and murmurs and each other's names until deep in the evening, after they'd devoured and had their fill of the other. now, when the door closes, klavier is preparing the many words he's turned in his head since this vacation started, exacerbated by his own life ending once, apollo's ending twice.
he doesn't let go of his hand, instead leading him to the bedside to sit with him, other hand in his pocket. ]
I only mentioned my fame and our predicament as lawyers to ask if you're prepared to face them... once we leave this place.
[ again, he needs to believe that they will or he'll just go insane. ]
I consider the Gavinners' disbandment and the incarceration of my brother to be... something like the end of two long-term commitments. You understand my faith in my own judgment feels slightly impaired... but if there is one other person I feel I can place my trust in, it would be you. So I would like to know you better, outside of a place like this one.
[ would he really be apollo justice if he didn't stand in his own way sometimes? sure, okay, he's thought about this once or twice., what it might be like to go out and sleep with klavier gavin with no strings attached. something casual and fun and easy, too overcome with desire to even let himself think. he'd almost managed it, but now... he's too curious about what klavier must be thinking. it feels significant now that he's slowed them down for this talk. he wordlessly follows him to the bed and takes a seat, adjusting so he can face him but holding his hand. the bracelet arm lays across his lap loosely, but he doesn't look away.
he opens his mouth to interrupt, but he stops short when klavier mentions two source of grief. losing first his brother, and then his best friend, and the disbandment of something he poured his life into... of course he understands the hesitance. apollo himself has his own guilt tied to these things and his hand in them. it's part of why he was resistant to this idea for so long. when klavier finishes speaking, he takes a few moments of his own to collect his thoughts.
they will get out of here. it's important to think about the after. ]
... your dedication is a lot of what I like about you, you know? And... it takes a lot to look at those things and decide you might have to lose them because the truth is more important. Not everyone could. [ he looks down at their hands then. ] Honestly? I didn't know how to approach you afterwards. I wanted to. I... needed to know you were going to be fine, but I didn't know if you would even want to see me or if what I had to say would matter. It's part of why I left.
[ he needed to separate himself from home for a short while to try and sort his thoughts and worries. ]
I want to trust you. And I want to be someone you can trust, too. So... slow is actually better. [ a tiny note of relief in his tone, and an even smaller but honest smile. ] Maybe just... like you said, getting to know each other better outside of work. I'd like that.
[ it's apollo willing to slow down to prove klavier's judgment can be sound again. it's also apollo trying his best to relinquish the tight grip on his own heart and actually let someone try with him. he knows himself well enough to realize he may not be as fast in a courtship as someone else wants, but... maybe that's what makes klavier perfect for him right now. ]
For all the grief you've given me, you are a romantic at heart yourself, nein? Wanting to check in on me and comfort me, needing to know I am all right... I had no idea you were so doting.
[ he's teasing again, but in quiet, genuine appreciation. his expression softens, and he lets go of apollo's hand to take him by the arm instead, near the elbow. ]
I won't deny being upset about circumstances in general, but you especially are free to visit me, and I will hear anything you have to say. For now...
[ he places a hand on apollo's hip and gently tugs with the other. ]
That is not being doting. That's being a decent human. [ he says this but he isn't remotely mad about it. also not denying the romantic thing even though he very much is not. not in the way he's sensing klavier is. but hey, apollo's sense of romance really is just being attentive of the people he cares about and willing to do anything for them. he's been worried for a while, and even seeing klavier tease him doesn't incite the usual indignation that comes up but rather helps the tension drains from his shoulders. it's why he settles for watching him, letting klavier's hand move up his arm as he tilts his head. ]
But good to know. I'll see if I can work you into my busy schedule then. [ it's a dumb little joke because, well, look at the WAA. he has plenty of time for something like this. likewise, he has plenty of time right now to do what it is he wants to do and prove that klavier can trust him. he barely has to pull before apollo moves, easily tipping into his lap and letting his hands carefully cradle his face. where were they...? oh, right. kissing senselessly. he can pick up where they left off. ]
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nevertheless he watches him to read his expression while he talks, like he's gauging if he's hoping this is because apollo is drunk or cursed or what-have-you. ]
No. [ no, he's just thought about it a little. ] But this can be whatever you want it to be.
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the hands on apollo's ass blessedly move up to hold his waist instead, but he doesn't let him go. ]
And how is that fair, having only what I want?
[ he lowers his chin a little, still meeting apollo's intense gaze directly. ]
You want me all for yourself, you said, even for just one evening. You would have me for longer if you could?
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sure. maybe he likes the guy. it's not like klavier doesn't have qualities apollo would've looked for and been attracted to anyway. smart. honest. attractive. infuriating. willing to do whatever it took to reach the same conclusion. dedicated. thoughtful. these are all parts he's observed over the last several months when he went "ugh" and ignored it because klavier gavin was someone who belonged to the rest of the world and apollo never humored the idea of even thinking klavier might think the same. there's also the chance that what klavier said this morning wasn't... anything more than platonic. maybe he really was just grateful for everything that happened at home, the changes in his life to try and make things right.
regardless, no, he would not act this way toward anyone else. he doesn't move in closer even when klavier's hand is on his waist, but he doesn't try to pull back again either. ]
I didn't think it was a thing I can ask for. [ honesty. he values it, so he figures klavier would, too. and if it's too intense and too sudden and too jarring for whatever picture of apollo klavier has, well, he will simply just never act on the opposing counsel against him ever again. ] But maybe, sure.
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[ klavier knows this song and dance, if not from his own experience then from media consumption. (he likes to be thorough. how would you write songs about romance without knowing everything you can about it?) there have been people he's met and grown close to that have projected on him, read signs that weren't there, and made a coffin fit for them both. thankfully, klavier's job is sustained on clear communication, and he's not afraid to be honest even while being sensitive.
this is one of those situations where he has to be both. honest. sensitive.
his eyes flicker to the buttons on the elevator, gauging their time. (rising, still rising. are the suites really on the top floor, or did apollo just want to stay in the elevator for as long as possible?) then he looks at apollo. ]
First... You realize it would be difficult, dating an ex-celebrity. Even more so to face him in court again eventually. I don't believe there are laws against it, but... it would generally be frowned upon.
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... god. this is stupid, actually. apollo's not good with romance, and he's still trying to figure out if he even likes klavier enough to consider dating him (he knows the answer. he's ignoring it because it's a kind of scary concept at the moment, also he feels insane because he hadn't really considered it until recently.) but he also knows how to read klavier well enough and he knows that they wouldn't be having this conversation if there wasn't some intrigue from the prosecutor to see what apollo's thinking.
their time in the elevator's drawing to a close, and he continues to frown. ]
Who said anything about dating? [ the words are harsh, but the tone is not. ] I told you that this can be whatever you want it to be.
[ ... part of this is also probably because klavier's the one who first mentioned he thought apollo just needed to get laid to loosen up, so clearly... (clearly, he is stubbornly thinking the worst to protect himself while he comes to terms with his own thoughts.) ]
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the elevator dings. they've reached their floor. klavier looks at apollo again briefly as the door opens, and then he reaches for his hand. ]
Come. Let's talk elsewhere.
[ klavier obviously thinks this conversation will end in a way that keeps them both in the hotel room overnight. ]
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regardless of the conversation that will unfold, he's pretty determined to stay. he steps out of the elevator and begins to pull ahead, but he stops shortly in the hallway and looks at klavier again. he doesn't move, but he remains close and keeps his hand for himself. this is apollo relinquishing control for the moment. this is apollo putting some trust in klavier and letting him take charge.
so yeah, he follows him into the hotel room and shuts the door behind them, letting klavier dictate what comes first. ]
So... talking. [ he says it to prompt, but it's another form of apollo trying to trust him. he knows he can throw himself into things head first, but he's giving klavier the chance to talk or act first to follow his lead. ]
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he doesn't let go of his hand, instead leading him to the bedside to sit with him, other hand in his pocket. ]
I only mentioned my fame and our predicament as lawyers to ask if you're prepared to face them... once we leave this place.
[ again, he needs to believe that they will or he'll just go insane. ]
I consider the Gavinners' disbandment and the incarceration of my brother to be... something like the end of two long-term commitments. You understand my faith in my own judgment feels slightly impaired... but if there is one other person I feel I can place my trust in, it would be you. So I would like to know you better, outside of a place like this one.
Are you open to taking things slowly?
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he opens his mouth to interrupt, but he stops short when klavier mentions two source of grief. losing first his brother, and then his best friend, and the disbandment of something he poured his life into... of course he understands the hesitance. apollo himself has his own guilt tied to these things and his hand in them. it's part of why he was resistant to this idea for so long. when klavier finishes speaking, he takes a few moments of his own to collect his thoughts.
they will get out of here. it's important to think about the after. ]
... your dedication is a lot of what I like about you, you know? And... it takes a lot to look at those things and decide you might have to lose them because the truth is more important. Not everyone could. [ he looks down at their hands then. ] Honestly? I didn't know how to approach you afterwards. I wanted to. I... needed to know you were going to be fine, but I didn't know if you would even want to see me or if what I had to say would matter. It's part of why I left.
[ he needed to separate himself from home for a short while to try and sort his thoughts and worries. ]
I want to trust you. And I want to be someone you can trust, too. So... slow is actually better. [ a tiny note of relief in his tone, and an even smaller but honest smile. ] Maybe just... like you said, getting to know each other better outside of work. I'd like that.
[ it's apollo willing to slow down to prove klavier's judgment can be sound again. it's also apollo trying his best to relinquish the tight grip on his own heart and actually let someone try with him. he knows himself well enough to realize he may not be as fast in a courtship as someone else wants, but... maybe that's what makes klavier perfect for him right now. ]
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For all the grief you've given me, you are a romantic at heart yourself, nein? Wanting to check in on me and comfort me, needing to know I am all right... I had no idea you were so doting.
[ he's teasing again, but in quiet, genuine appreciation. his expression softens, and he lets go of apollo's hand to take him by the arm instead, near the elbow. ]
I won't deny being upset about circumstances in general, but you especially are free to visit me, and I will hear anything you have to say. For now...
[ he places a hand on apollo's hip and gently tugs with the other. ]
Come here.
[ get in his lap and kiss him please ]
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That is not being doting. That's being a decent human. [ he says this but he isn't remotely mad about it. also not denying the romantic thing even though he very much is not. not in the way he's sensing klavier is. but hey, apollo's sense of romance really is just being attentive of the people he cares about and willing to do anything for them. he's been worried for a while, and even seeing klavier tease him doesn't incite the usual indignation that comes up but rather helps the tension drains from his shoulders. it's why he settles for watching him, letting klavier's hand move up his arm as he tilts his head. ]
But good to know. I'll see if I can work you into my busy schedule then. [ it's a dumb little joke because, well, look at the WAA. he has plenty of time for something like this. likewise, he has plenty of time right now to do what it is he wants to do and prove that klavier can trust him. he barely has to pull before apollo moves, easily tipping into his lap and letting his hands carefully cradle his face. where were they...? oh, right. kissing senselessly. he can pick up where they left off. ]